For those of you who've tuned in, pitched in - graciously sending your prayers and donations for our adoption journey - Ashley and I both want to say another heartfelt thank you. We apologize for not doing a better job of updating this blog on our progress.
I believe it was Frederick Douglass who once said "without struggle, there is no progress." Unfortunately, for us, the last year has felt like mostly struggle, with very little progress to report.
Here's what we've achieved so far: we saved and raised enough money to complete a home study, pay application fees and begin an adoption fund, we adapted our plan after Ethiopia's laws changed and found a new agency, and we pulled together all the documents and paperwork we'd need to activate our adoption "profile."
So what's been the holdup? The biggest struggle has been trying to figure out how to save or raise the remaining $18,000 required to complete the process. It's a huge brick wall that feels nearly insurmountable. We were aware going in that it was going to be expensive, but we just decided we'd dive in headfirst and figure it out as we go. We'd trust in God and keep plowing forward.
But it's funny how God works. Sometimes we get so fixated on the mental picture of a specific goal we're working toward, we miss other doors that may be wide open and waiting for us to notice them.
Ashley came to me the other night, tentatively tiptoeing around an "idea" she had, worried that I would be exasperated by the thought of yet another detour and major overhaul in our adoption plan. But I wasn't. It made sense to me. It made so much sense, I wondered how we both had missed seriously considering it earlier...
Adoption through foster care.
Ashley and I have always had this vision in our heads of bringing home a little newborn infant, going through all the sleepless nights and feedings and diaper changings that define early parenthood. We could name the child, nurture the child, help shape who he/she would become...be "mommy" and "daddy" from day one.
But God keeps putting the brakes on our plans. Rather than rethink the specifics of it, we just kept getting more frustrated and disheartened at how out-of-reach the finish line kept feeling.
Until that night last week.
There are thousands of kids right here in the U.S. needing to be adopted. They're not newborns. Their chance of ever feeling the unconditional love of a mother and father (something most of us so often take for granted) diminishes with each passing day. Many of them are in undesirable living situations, passed around in a system that makes it difficult to ever establish familial bonds or build trust in others. Lives are dramatically (sometimes permanently) impacted by what's missing - the normalcy of a stable home environment as a part of a loving family. A home base they know isn't going anywhere. Parents and family to help guide and love them.
As we skimmed through profiles of adorable foster children across the country waiting to be adopted, it became clear to both of us that this is why our plan hasn't worked so far. It was our "a-ha" moment. Adopting a child out of foster care is what we're supposed to do. *gulp* Perhaps even a sibling pair?
The foster care system works much differently than either international or domestic adoptions. We do not need to go through an agency; our social worker can handle all the steps in the process for us. Nearly all of these children are available to be adopted at no cost (minor legal fees and travel costs, but no agency fees). This eliminates our biggest holdup: the financial burden of raising another $18K! All of this can be completed very quickly. It's suddenly become very REAL to us. :)
Many of these children have a variety of issues - physical and emotional. They have varying degrees of challenges, from mild to severe, and there are kids of vastly different ages available as well.
With no parental experience whatsoever (other than overly-discussed parenting theories and ideas that are sure to be destroyed once we're in the thick of it), Ashley and I have decided that we're not equipped yet to handle anyone over 5 years old. Maybe down the line we will be, but not for our first. So we're mostly focusing on sibling pairs in the 2-5 year-old range.
We've already sent our homestudy and application inquiry for a beautiful 3-year-old African-American boy and his precious 2-year old sister in Oregon. Not sure how likely we are to be matched, since we're so far away. But we'll see.
We're beginning a government-required 6-week parenting/fostering class tomorrow night, and we have a meeting set with our social worker next week to discuss all our options and learn more about the process and what to expect.
We're both anxious, excited, nervous, and admittedly a little scared. Going from our current lives to *BOOM* instant family is a bit overwhelming of a thought to ponder. But our lives are just a little too comfortable right now. I firmly believe when things get too easy, you need to rattle your own cage a bit in order to keep growing.
Reading articles and books about how to swim won't teach you to swim; there comes a time when you have to dive into the water and figure it out.
We know this won't be easy. We're facing a challenging future.
Ashley summed it up perfectly and eloquently in an email she sent me Friday (she doesn't know I'm sharing parts of it here, so hopefully that will be okay...haha).
Her words: "I was thinking about how hard it’s going to be un-train children and retrain their thinking and move them towards truth. How hard it’s going to be to teach them to trust and love again. How many ups and downs there will be. How many tears and fights and arguments. And then I was thinking… WHY!?!?! Why work so hard on children, why work so hard on people, why care, why not just live the way we are with all the comforts we can afford ourselves? Then it hit me: people matter because they are eternal, without beginning or end. That makes them infinitely important and TOTALLY worth it. Everything is at stake. It really makes me understand why we’re doing this. ...I SO cannot wait to start this adventure with you. I can’t wait to see how God uses us and helps these children. And I pray so hard that they will come to know and love Him."
So there's the big news.
There's finally light at the end of the tunnel. This is actually going to happen! LOL
Now that we anticipate regularly having new things to report, I'll make sure to update our progress more often. I'll post pictures of the kid(s) once we've been matched.
I'm sure we'll be asking for advice from all of you parents out there on a regular basis once we've officially begun our family. And probably soliciting any hand-me-downs available too (we have no kid stuff yet! Ack! Car seats, cribs, clothes, diapers. Wow. So much to start prepping for!)
Much love to all of you.
God bless!!
JJ
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Hurdles and detours...
Hey everybody!
Again, I must apologize that it's been too long since our last update, but trust me that a LOT has happened in our adoption journey recently.
Before I get into the twists and turns happening in Ethiopia, we want to offer up a sincere and heartfelt THANK YOU to a few more friends whose contributions have helped us continue to grow our adoption fund. To Shanna Crooks, Jason Lawrence and a few anonymous contributors: we're humbled and indescribably grateful for your generosity. And more big thank you's are due to Kathryn Finn for your ongoing fundraiser efforts on our behalf. Much love to you all!!
Okay, so....where to begin?
Crazy things are happening in the Ethiopian adoption world over the last month. Through Ashley's fervent research and daily monitoring of several adoption blogs, we were alerted to some legal changes underway in Ethiopia whereby 90% of their international adoptions will soon be eliminated going forward. The entire Ethopian adoption community is in a tailspin and the effects of this change will be dramatic.
There are literally millions of children in dire need in Ethiopia, so it's unspeakably horrible that anyone would attempt to exploit the situation for personal profit and corrupt the system. But unfortunately, child trafficking is a problem that the Ethiopian government has not been able to control, and their apparent solution at this time is to restrict all international adoptions to 10% of that previously allowed. It's tragic for the millions of children who will be sentenced to a lifetime of abject poverty, disease and hopelessness due to this decision, and also devastating for adoptive parents-to-be whose cases may now be held up in litigation for a long time.
The other cause for major concern is traveling to northern Africa right now. Flights from the US to Ethiopia were previously routed through Egypt, which is in the midst of severe political turmoil. Safety is a major concern for any American currently traveling to that region, and the cost has also increased dramatically.
So. Where does that leave Ashley and I in our journey to start our family with an Ethopian son?
Tough questions. Major dilemmas. It's a gamble. Do we continue on this path and soon be too far along to turn back, only to find that our time frame is extended by years (or indefinitely)? Could we possibly face losing the opportunity to redirect the funds into an adoption with a guaranteed successful outcome? But what if these pending legal issues are resolved quickly and we learn that we gave up on Ethiopia too quickly? It's so hard to know what the right answer is.
Sometimes God's plan does not match what we have in mind.
Through much discussion and prayer, Ashley and I have determined that we will be flexible, open and adaptive to whatever unexpected twists and turns we encounter in the process and trust in Him completely. And we have come to the conclusion that it's not meant to happen for us with that country at this particular time.
Fortunately for us, we have a completed home study and were in the process of raising enough funds to get to the next step in the process, but we weren't too far along to be able to redirect our plan. So that's what we've decided to do.
Our initial decision to adopt from Ethiopia was fueled mainly by our empathy for the horrible poverty under which the people of that country live, coupled with our desire to be parents and start a family. If we could make a dramatic impact on the life of a child who otherwise had no hope, how could we NOT choose that route? Another factor steering us toward international adoption over domestic was cost and legal differences in the process. There is a window of time in a domestic adoption when the mother has a right to change her mind. The thought of getting emotionally invested and attached to a child with a potential to have the child taken back from you was too difficult to wrap our heads around. In an Ethiopian adoption, once the process is complete, that is your child, period. It all led us to the decision to start a journey with that country in mind.
But the curveball that's now been thrown at us has caused us to revisit and rethink our initial decision.
The degree of poverty in the U.S. may not be anywhere near that of Ethiopia, but there are undoubtedly plenty of children here in who are also in desperate need of a loving home and family. Unstable home situations, poverty, drugs, troubled pregnant teens -- the reasons we still have children here in need of adoption are numerous.
After researching numerous domestic adoption agencies, Ashley has found a great agency that can match us with a child in need in a matter of months once we have the funds raised. We've notified them that we're open to children without specificity to gender or race; unfortunately certain races have much more available children, and typically those are the children with a significantly smaller pool of potential adoptive parents. It's important to us that we're not only satisfying our desperate desire to start a family, but in doing so, making a difference in the life of a child who would otherwise have the odds stacked against him/her.
So many of you have been so supportive and generous to us in this process, and we wanted to give a full explanation of our change in plans. We're continuing full steam ahead with our adoption and are as energized and full of determination as ever.
We fully intend to adopt more than once, and our emotional attachment to Ethiopia remains.
Hopefully, if and when things settle down in that country and Ethiopian adoption becomes feasible again for us, our next child will be one of the millions of African children in desperate need. Until then, we ask you to join us in prayer for the children and people of Ethiopia.
In the meantime, I'll try to do a better job of keeping you all updated on where we're at and how close we're getting to the goal. Lots of fundraiser ideas to get underway, grants to apply for and work to do!
God is good all the time, and through Him, all things are possible.
Much love to all of you,
JJ
Again, I must apologize that it's been too long since our last update, but trust me that a LOT has happened in our adoption journey recently.
Before I get into the twists and turns happening in Ethiopia, we want to offer up a sincere and heartfelt THANK YOU to a few more friends whose contributions have helped us continue to grow our adoption fund. To Shanna Crooks, Jason Lawrence and a few anonymous contributors: we're humbled and indescribably grateful for your generosity. And more big thank you's are due to Kathryn Finn for your ongoing fundraiser efforts on our behalf. Much love to you all!!
Okay, so....where to begin?
Crazy things are happening in the Ethiopian adoption world over the last month. Through Ashley's fervent research and daily monitoring of several adoption blogs, we were alerted to some legal changes underway in Ethiopia whereby 90% of their international adoptions will soon be eliminated going forward. The entire Ethopian adoption community is in a tailspin and the effects of this change will be dramatic.
There are literally millions of children in dire need in Ethiopia, so it's unspeakably horrible that anyone would attempt to exploit the situation for personal profit and corrupt the system. But unfortunately, child trafficking is a problem that the Ethiopian government has not been able to control, and their apparent solution at this time is to restrict all international adoptions to 10% of that previously allowed. It's tragic for the millions of children who will be sentenced to a lifetime of abject poverty, disease and hopelessness due to this decision, and also devastating for adoptive parents-to-be whose cases may now be held up in litigation for a long time.
The other cause for major concern is traveling to northern Africa right now. Flights from the US to Ethiopia were previously routed through Egypt, which is in the midst of severe political turmoil. Safety is a major concern for any American currently traveling to that region, and the cost has also increased dramatically.
So. Where does that leave Ashley and I in our journey to start our family with an Ethopian son?
Tough questions. Major dilemmas. It's a gamble. Do we continue on this path and soon be too far along to turn back, only to find that our time frame is extended by years (or indefinitely)? Could we possibly face losing the opportunity to redirect the funds into an adoption with a guaranteed successful outcome? But what if these pending legal issues are resolved quickly and we learn that we gave up on Ethiopia too quickly? It's so hard to know what the right answer is.
Sometimes God's plan does not match what we have in mind.
Through much discussion and prayer, Ashley and I have determined that we will be flexible, open and adaptive to whatever unexpected twists and turns we encounter in the process and trust in Him completely. And we have come to the conclusion that it's not meant to happen for us with that country at this particular time.
Fortunately for us, we have a completed home study and were in the process of raising enough funds to get to the next step in the process, but we weren't too far along to be able to redirect our plan. So that's what we've decided to do.
Our initial decision to adopt from Ethiopia was fueled mainly by our empathy for the horrible poverty under which the people of that country live, coupled with our desire to be parents and start a family. If we could make a dramatic impact on the life of a child who otherwise had no hope, how could we NOT choose that route? Another factor steering us toward international adoption over domestic was cost and legal differences in the process. There is a window of time in a domestic adoption when the mother has a right to change her mind. The thought of getting emotionally invested and attached to a child with a potential to have the child taken back from you was too difficult to wrap our heads around. In an Ethiopian adoption, once the process is complete, that is your child, period. It all led us to the decision to start a journey with that country in mind.
But the curveball that's now been thrown at us has caused us to revisit and rethink our initial decision.
The degree of poverty in the U.S. may not be anywhere near that of Ethiopia, but there are undoubtedly plenty of children here in who are also in desperate need of a loving home and family. Unstable home situations, poverty, drugs, troubled pregnant teens -- the reasons we still have children here in need of adoption are numerous.
After researching numerous domestic adoption agencies, Ashley has found a great agency that can match us with a child in need in a matter of months once we have the funds raised. We've notified them that we're open to children without specificity to gender or race; unfortunately certain races have much more available children, and typically those are the children with a significantly smaller pool of potential adoptive parents. It's important to us that we're not only satisfying our desperate desire to start a family, but in doing so, making a difference in the life of a child who would otherwise have the odds stacked against him/her.
So many of you have been so supportive and generous to us in this process, and we wanted to give a full explanation of our change in plans. We're continuing full steam ahead with our adoption and are as energized and full of determination as ever.
We fully intend to adopt more than once, and our emotional attachment to Ethiopia remains.
Hopefully, if and when things settle down in that country and Ethiopian adoption becomes feasible again for us, our next child will be one of the millions of African children in desperate need. Until then, we ask you to join us in prayer for the children and people of Ethiopia.
In the meantime, I'll try to do a better job of keeping you all updated on where we're at and how close we're getting to the goal. Lots of fundraiser ideas to get underway, grants to apply for and work to do!
God is good all the time, and through Him, all things are possible.
Much love to all of you,
JJ
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