For those of you who've tuned in, pitched in - graciously sending your prayers and donations for our adoption journey - Ashley and I both want to say another heartfelt thank you. We apologize for not doing a better job of updating this blog on our progress.
I believe it was Frederick Douglass who once said "without struggle, there is no progress." Unfortunately, for us, the last year has felt like mostly struggle, with very little progress to report.
Here's what we've achieved so far: we saved and raised enough money to complete a home study, pay application fees and begin an adoption fund, we adapted our plan after Ethiopia's laws changed and found a new agency, and we pulled together all the documents and paperwork we'd need to activate our adoption "profile."
So what's been the holdup? The biggest struggle has been trying to figure out how to save or raise the remaining $18,000 required to complete the process. It's a huge brick wall that feels nearly insurmountable. We were aware going in that it was going to be expensive, but we just decided we'd dive in headfirst and figure it out as we go. We'd trust in God and keep plowing forward.
But it's funny how God works. Sometimes we get so fixated on the mental picture of a specific goal we're working toward, we miss other doors that may be wide open and waiting for us to notice them.
Ashley came to me the other night, tentatively tiptoeing around an "idea" she had, worried that I would be exasperated by the thought of yet another detour and major overhaul in our adoption plan. But I wasn't. It made sense to me. It made so much sense, I wondered how we both had missed seriously considering it earlier...
Adoption through foster care.
Ashley and I have always had this vision in our heads of bringing home a little newborn infant, going through all the sleepless nights and feedings and diaper changings that define early parenthood. We could name the child, nurture the child, help shape who he/she would become...be "mommy" and "daddy" from day one.
But God keeps putting the brakes on our plans. Rather than rethink the specifics of it, we just kept getting more frustrated and disheartened at how out-of-reach the finish line kept feeling.
Until that night last week.
There are thousands of kids right here in the U.S. needing to be adopted. They're not newborns. Their chance of ever feeling the unconditional love of a mother and father (something most of us so often take for granted) diminishes with each passing day. Many of them are in undesirable living situations, passed around in a system that makes it difficult to ever establish familial bonds or build trust in others. Lives are dramatically (sometimes permanently) impacted by what's missing - the normalcy of a stable home environment as a part of a loving family. A home base they know isn't going anywhere. Parents and family to help guide and love them.
As we skimmed through profiles of adorable foster children across the country waiting to be adopted, it became clear to both of us that this is why our plan hasn't worked so far. It was our "a-ha" moment. Adopting a child out of foster care is what we're supposed to do. *gulp* Perhaps even a sibling pair?
The foster care system works much differently than either international or domestic adoptions. We do not need to go through an agency; our social worker can handle all the steps in the process for us. Nearly all of these children are available to be adopted at no cost (minor legal fees and travel costs, but no agency fees). This eliminates our biggest holdup: the financial burden of raising another $18K! All of this can be completed very quickly. It's suddenly become very REAL to us. :)
Many of these children have a variety of issues - physical and emotional. They have varying degrees of challenges, from mild to severe, and there are kids of vastly different ages available as well.
With no parental experience whatsoever (other than overly-discussed parenting theories and ideas that are sure to be destroyed once we're in the thick of it), Ashley and I have decided that we're not equipped yet to handle anyone over 5 years old. Maybe down the line we will be, but not for our first. So we're mostly focusing on sibling pairs in the 2-5 year-old range.
We've already sent our homestudy and application inquiry for a beautiful 3-year-old African-American boy and his precious 2-year old sister in Oregon. Not sure how likely we are to be matched, since we're so far away. But we'll see.
We're beginning a government-required 6-week parenting/fostering class tomorrow night, and we have a meeting set with our social worker next week to discuss all our options and learn more about the process and what to expect.
We're both anxious, excited, nervous, and admittedly a little scared. Going from our current lives to *BOOM* instant family is a bit overwhelming of a thought to ponder. But our lives are just a little too comfortable right now. I firmly believe when things get too easy, you need to rattle your own cage a bit in order to keep growing.
Reading articles and books about how to swim won't teach you to swim; there comes a time when you have to dive into the water and figure it out.
We know this won't be easy. We're facing a challenging future.
Ashley summed it up perfectly and eloquently in an email she sent me Friday (she doesn't know I'm sharing parts of it here, so hopefully that will be okay...haha).
Her words: "I was thinking about how hard it’s going to be un-train children and retrain their thinking and move them towards truth. How hard it’s going to be to teach them to trust and love again. How many ups and downs there will be. How many tears and fights and arguments. And then I was thinking… WHY!?!?! Why work so hard on children, why work so hard on people, why care, why not just live the way we are with all the comforts we can afford ourselves? Then it hit me: people matter because they are eternal, without beginning or end. That makes them infinitely important and TOTALLY worth it. Everything is at stake. It really makes me understand why we’re doing this. ...I SO cannot wait to start this adventure with you. I can’t wait to see how God uses us and helps these children. And I pray so hard that they will come to know and love Him."
So there's the big news.
There's finally light at the end of the tunnel. This is actually going to happen! LOL
Now that we anticipate regularly having new things to report, I'll make sure to update our progress more often. I'll post pictures of the kid(s) once we've been matched.
I'm sure we'll be asking for advice from all of you parents out there on a regular basis once we've officially begun our family. And probably soliciting any hand-me-downs available too (we have no kid stuff yet! Ack! Car seats, cribs, clothes, diapers. Wow. So much to start prepping for!)
Much love to all of you.
God bless!!
JJ
