We received the package of forms a few days ago and instantly I was ON IT, like some sort of superhero in a cape. But today, while working on filling out the forms and answering some of the tougher, more personal questions, the emotional distance I've been putting between myself and the realization of how HUGE adoption is came crashing in on itself. I broke down. And I realized a couple things. First, I realized that I am an emotional sap... a big, soupy sap. And second, more importantly, I realized that love is easy.
I already love this child, and I love his biological mother and father. I've not yet been a mother, but having to consider the question "How do you feel about your adopted child's mother and father?" almost made me drop to my knees in thankfulness and tears. I cry at the thought of them. I do not yet know my future child and I do not yet know his darling mother, but I'm filled with gratitude and humility, faced with the overwhelming thought that giving up her newborn child so that he can have a chance to live out his dreams will probably be the hardest thing she'll ever have to do. I have no words. I hope she knows that God is good, and that I will love him like he is my own - because he will be.
Adopted children are shared. Shared by many people, in many places. They have two mothers, two fathers, and a God that orchestrates it all. I hope to meet their family; hug them and thank them while feeling completely inadequate and at a loss for words. How do you thank someone for their own flesh and blood? I fear you can't. I suspect that all the hope, gratitude, sadness and grace will be felt through a look, a glance, a silent thank you... and an unspoken I'm sorry.
I'm new to this. I love this. I want to soak in all of the glory of waiting, wishing, hoping, crying, and praying. I know God is good. His timing? Perfect.
~ Ashley
Beautiful! Its really a miracle that God allows us to be part of, one I feel blessed to be part of....so worth whatever one has to go through. You continue to be in my prayers...God already knows who your child is and has picked him perfectly for you:)
ReplyDelete"Adopted children are shared. Shared by many people, in many places. They have two mothers, two fathers, and a God that orchestrates it all." 24 words of wonder and awe, beautifully and perfectly said.
ReplyDeleteI can actually say I know exactly how you feel. When your kiddo comes home you will realize just how much God and noone else put into forming your family.
ReplyDeleteShannon
p.s. we need to plan a lunch or dinner.
Your words are beautiful. I will pray for you and your dreams of becoming a mother and father.
ReplyDelete